“Forget about it / Fuhgeddaboudit"

Ephesians 4:31–32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Colossians 3:13 “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

Prayer

Introduction

A few weeks ago we looked at a common phrase, “God will never give you more than you can handle.” We debunked it, or busted that myth.

We learned that we do get overwhelmed just like many people in the Bible and God never said we would be able to handle everything.

We also learned that God promises His strength when life overwhelms us.

And we learned that God uses overwhelming situations to teach us dependence; mainly dependence on Him.

We are looking at some of the things well meaning people say that are meant to help people.

We are looking at things that people claim that the Bible says, but in reality God never said that. These are things that can sound right but in reality they distort who God is and how we relate to Him.

Today we look at another phrase that may be troubling for some of us.

Today we look at the phrase “Forgive and forget.”

Did God say that?

I’ve titled today’s message:

“Forget about it / Fuhgeddaboudit"

Let’s get in to it

Does Forgiveness Mean Forgetting?

Has anyone ever told you to forgive and forget?

I think I am guilty of saying this one myself…

It sounds right, but when you are going through heartbreak and pain from damaged relationships, someone saying “You need to forgive and forget” just seems off.

How am I supposed to forget what happened?

Does God really expect me to forget?

Am I supposed to pretend the pain didn’t happen?

Does forgiveness require forgetting too?

For some of us just saying the word “forgiveness” brings up bad memories. You may even have an image of that person who hurt you.

The hurt may have been real or even just imagined (meaning the person didn’t intend to hurt you and may not even know it, either way you got your feelings hurt)

Someone saying forget doesn’t sound freeing, it sounds cruel!

Here’s the problem with the expectation to forget:

God never asked you to erase your memory — you don’t have to suddenly wipe away all that has happened

If you are like me you might be asking the question, “Doesn’t the Bible tell me to forget?”

The Bible does have something to say about forgetting.

Forgetting

Philippians 3:13–14 NLT

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

It is quite interesting that Paul says to forget the past right after reminding the Philippians of his past — Look

He was circumcised at 8 years old (verse 5)

He was so zealous that he harshly persecuted the church (verse 6)

He obeyed the law without fault (verse 6)

It seems like a contradiction but Paul’s word “forgetting” means: “no longer caring for, neglecting, or refusing to focus on.”

The truth is we have memories and even trying to forget about them only brings them up again.

So what are we to do?

We are called to NOT live in the past - we don’t live there anymore

We are called to NOT continuously rehearse the past - good or bad

We are to NOT let our past mistakes and hurts deflate our value

And we are NOT to let our achievements cause pride to rule our lives

Instead, we adopt our new identity as new creations being transformed into the image of Jesus

The Bible not only has something to say about forgetting but it also has something to say about remembering.

Remembering

While we may forget somethings, we are to remember other things

Deuteronomy 9:7 NLT

“Remember and never forget how angry you made the Lord your God out in the wilderness. From the day you left Egypt until now, you have been constantly rebelling against him.

We are to remember who we were before Christ, what He did for us, and who we now are

Psalm 77:11 NLT

But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago.

Psalm 103:2 NLT

Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.

We are to remember all that God has done for us

Ephesians 2:11–12 NLT

Don’t forget that you Gentiles used to be outsiders. You were called “uncircumcised heathens” by the Jews, who were proud of their circumcision, even though it affected only their bodies and not their hearts. In those days you were living apart from Christ. You were excluded from citizenship among the people of Israel, and you did not know the covenant promises God had made to them. You lived in this world without God and without hope.

You can see from scripture that we are to remember the good things of God and to forget those things that hold us from a prosperous relationship with Him

Let us look at our original passage again and let me point out something powerful:

Ephesians 4:31–32 NLT

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

You can’t get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior by forgetting. They come from remembering the things that hurt you. God recognizes the pain but then He calls us to release it and choose something better.

Forgiveness isn’t a denial of the hurt — it is a decision to not let it define you

Forgiveness is about releasing your right to payback and letting God handle it (whatever punishment that you could give to someone who hurt you is light in comparison to what God is going to do to them.)

There is one more thing about forgetting that I find necessary to point out

God chooses to forget the pain you and I have caused Him.

Hebrews 8:12 “And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.””

Let me just simply share this beautiful section from Psalm 103, a Psalm of David

Psalm 103:8–12 NLT

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.

Forgiveness Is a Choice

Forgiveness may feel impossible. If you are waiting for the right time, it won’t come.

If you are waiting til you feel like it, you never will.

Forgiveness has to be a choice.

Scripture doesn’t define forgiveness as a feeling, it defines it as a choice:

Colossians 3:13 “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

We would love to think that we got things right with God and then He forgave us.

We tend to think that somehow we are responsible for our own salvation.

Scripture reminds us the truth:

Romans 5:8 NLT

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

God chose to forgive us before we asked for forgiveness.

He forgave us before we even knew we needed forgiveness.

He forgave us before we even sinned.

How about that for mind-blowing?

So, we do not forgive based on someone’s deserving of it, it starts with God forgiving us.

Instead of holding on to unforgiveness, Paul reminds us:

Ephesians 4:32 NLT

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

It would seem that forgiveness has less to do with forgetting and more to do with remembering.

We forgive because we remember:

We remember the cross and our offense against God

Forgiveness doesn’t excuse anyone from what they did.

When you forgive it allows God’s grace to take over and let justice fall to God

Forgiveness isn’t weakness letting people walk over you, it is faith. It takes strength to forgive, a strength that can only come from trusting God.

Forgiveness and Boundaries

Some people have trouble forgiving because they think it means that they have to let people keep on hurting them.

There have been women in abusive relationships who have been told that God expects you to stay in that relationship. I am so sorry that someone has made you think that. It is an evil form of legalism that says that.

The truth is that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things.

God has forgiven us and He calls us to forgive others, but reconciliation requires confession and repentance.

It is worth mentioning:

Forgiveness is often only done upward - We tell God that we forgive someone

When the person who hurt you is no longer living, you can’t tell them so you tell God and He puts it on your account

When the person who hurt you isn’t sorry, telling them you forgive them only seems like permission to keep on hurting you or others. Instead you forgive them to God.

However, You should be ready to tell them, anticipating their confession and repentance (illustration of archer knocking an arrow)

Discernment needed here - godly sorrow vs. just sorry they were caught

Forgiveness is required and reconciliation is the ultimate desire but finding that balance is challenging. Again scripture has something to say:

Romans 12:18 ESV

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

This phrase “so far as it depends on you” is significant.

It shows that peace is not always possible.

You should try to do all that you can to have that peace but it may not be in your control.

When you forgive, you are releasing your desire for compensation—your’e not inviting them to stay in your life.

Scripture continues to speak on this issue:

Romans 12:19 NLT

Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.

When you forgive someone, they are not getting off the hook

What you are doing is freeing yourself from the impact of it

You are also putting it in God’s more-than-capable hands

You are trusting Him with what you cannot fix

Close/Altar

Some of us are afraid of letting go of the past. The pain of what we’ve lost is the only thing that we have to hold on to. We are afraid of what will happen if we somehow forget. The good news is that God is not saying we have to forget.

But when you choose to forgive, not because you feel like it, you are agreeing to a supernatural power that will free you. You are allowing God’s great grace to work in your life.

When you walk in that supernatural power of forgiveness, the things of the past no longer have the weight that they once had. It is not that you suddenly have amnesia, it is that they no longer have any power over you. You don’t give priority to those hurts. You give priority to the God who loves you and empowers you with His forgiveness.

Some of you cannot forgive because you have never really accepted God’s forgiveness. He is here today, extending that offer. Will you come and receive it?

Is there someone that you need to forgive today? Come and forgive upward.

Maybe you are the one who needs to ask to be forgiven. Don’t let the clock run out, time is short, go and ask for it now.

Its your time to move, come and meet God at these altars.